Ginger Tom was a cat-burglar. The best in the business. There wasn’t anything he couldn’t steal, just ask your mam.
He could steal the limelight. He could take the biscuit. He could remove all doubt. He could even nick himself, whilst shaving. There was nuffin he couldn’t purloin.
He once stole the Queen from Buckingham Palace (one of the courtiers had left her unlocked) but soon brought her back when he found out she weren’t worth nothing. Even for scrap.
Verrily, he was the foremost tea leaf in the land. And who can forget, let alone remember, the time when Ginger Tom surpassed even his exemplary best. He’d been talking about it down the Pub, which was a bar at the bottom of a mine shaft. Many of the criminal class drank there, away from prying eyes. Some say the act of outlaws drinking at the bottom of a mine shaft is from where we get the phrase ‘criminal underworld’. But that’s male cow execretia.
Any weigh, Ginger Tom was down the Pub with his best mate, Shakin’ Thievings, a Welsh burglar with the DTs.
“So, Tom” he expelled air whilst contorting his mouth in such a way as to create different sounds that we have come to recognise as words, “in your long illustrious career, you have stolen everything that could possibly be stolen. What’s left for you to do?”
“I’ve been thinking about that” said Ginger Tom, “and I’ve decided I’m going to steal the letter ‘’”.
“Sorry, I’d didn’t quit catch that” said Shakin’, “what lttr?”
“Prcisly” said Gingr Tom.
“Sorry” said Shaky again, “what did you say?”
“I said I’m going to stal th lttr ‘ ‘, th most common lttr in th nglish languag. In fact, I just did it”.
“Ah, now I undrstand” said his frind, “that’s fantastic. Whr is it? What did you do with it?”
“Nvr ask a magician to rval his tricks” Tom rplid nigmatically.
And thanks to txt mssaging, it was four months bfor anybody knw it was missing.
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