Poor Phraser

(per)verse and poetry.

A Cross Tick

i can’t sleep

not until you’re asleep

so please fall asleep

oh, why can’t I sleep?

my night’s incomplete

now it’s time to get up

in a minute, let me doze

ah, hell, now I’m late. 

insecureseas asked: hi, i was reading your poem 'not a straight A student, and i was wondering if i could use it to sing in class for a small project if i gave you credit? xx

Of course. Let me know how it goes down.

I never meant to kiss you on the lips
I never meant to touch you on the hips
I never meant to feel your sweet caress
I never meant to see you get undressed
I never meant to slip off underwear
I never meant to kiss you way down there
I never meant to enter from behind
I never meant to end up sixty-nined
I never meant to jump on top of you
I never meant to cum inside of you
I never meant to bring our souls aligned
I only meant to get this… leaving card signed
It’s for Carole, in accounts

I never meant to kiss you on the lips

I never meant to touch you on the hips

I never meant to feel your sweet caress

I never meant to see you get undressed

I never meant to slip off underwear

I never meant to kiss you way down there

I never meant to enter from behind

I never meant to end up sixty-nined

I never meant to jump on top of you

I never meant to cum inside of you

I never meant to bring our souls aligned

I only meant to get this… leaving card signed

It’s for Carole, in accounts




(Source: fallingrosesromance)

Why can’t you go back to being the hit single
that made me fall in love so completely?
Why must you become the remix bonus track
that I felt sure I had to have, but find I don’t really need

Why can’t you go back to being the hit single

that made me fall in love so completely?

Why must you become the remix bonus track

that I felt sure I had to have, but find I don’t really need

(Source: coffy66)

INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY

It’s international women’s day

Let’s celebrate the fairer sex

And promise not to dump on those

whose chromosome is X.

It’s international equal pay

It’s education rights for girls

Let’s promise not to joke of rape

Give her a safer world.

It’s international women’s day

Let’s celebrate the female form

and not dictate her clothes or hair

or legislate her womb.

It’s international women’s day

Let’s think of all the ways we can

make every day a March the 8th

Stand by your woman. 

MODERN NURSERY RHYME - DOCTOR FOSTER

Doctor Foster

went to Gloucester

in a shower of rain

He stepped in a puddle

right up to his middle

and successfully sued the council for their neglect of such serious potholes

REWRITTEN HERSTORY

At the mention of a name

of a previous beau

he will get up and go

he’ll leave the room and fume

he’s consumed with envy

of any of the men she

had previously kissed

he’s gets overly pissed 

of that substantial list.

He gets so jealous

of photos of fellas

she dated before

he just can’t ignore

that she has a past

in which he didn’t feature

he’s a pitiful creature

it hurts his pride

to think of others inside

his non-virgin bride

so in numerous ways

he’s tried to erase

evidence she had a life

before being his wife.

She can’t say the names

of any old flames

when in his presence;

any youthful effervescence

has been squashed flat

he’s made sure of that:

He’ll spy her facebooking

and when she’s not looking

unfriend any old boyfriend

and should she complain

he’ll rage in great pain

and charge her of deceit

accuse her as a cheat 

he’ll bleat red-faced ire

at her former desire

and all this suspicion

has led her to submission.

It’s crappy

but to keep him happy

she’s stopped reminiscing

she’s dropped friends, she’s missing

out on reunions and drinks

with anyone he thinks

she may or may not have held hands with

And that’s no way to live.

Still, she loves him.

And though he’s so controlling

she’s content to be consoling 

and give ground to his possessiveness

to love him more and, yes, live less.

It’s a fact she’s lost contact

with the bulk of her past

so he won’t sulk and lambast her

she tiptoes round disaster

by drawing a line through

all the lovers and friends who

she previously knew

and it doesn’t get better:

Her past friends now forget her.

VERBOSE CINEMA presents:

If ASTRAL BATTLES is STAR WARS  then guess the famous film titles from these wordy, circumlocutory, long-winded monickers.
 
THE SORCERER OF AUSTRALIA
MECHANICAL CONSTABLE
EXISTENCE OF 3.14159
UNCLEAN CHOREOGRAPHY
THE RAPID AND THE IRATE
PLUNDERERS OF THE STRAYED JUDAICAL CHEST
144 MONTHS A BONDSERVANT
THE HANKERING TOURNAMENT
ABSENCE ACCOMPANIED BY FLATULENCE

LICENCED CHAUFFEUR

TO MURDER A MIMUS POLYGLOTTOS
SQUATTING FELINE CONCEALED REPTILE
THE FORCE OF ATTRACTION BETWEEN ALL MASSES IN THE UNIVERSE


 

VERBOSE CINEMA presents:

If ASTRAL BATTLES is STAR WARS  then guess the famous film titles from these wordy, circumlocutory, long-winded monickers.

 

THE SORCERER OF AUSTRALIA

MECHANICAL CONSTABLE

EXISTENCE OF 3.14159

UNCLEAN CHOREOGRAPHY

THE RAPID AND THE IRATE

PLUNDERERS OF THE STRAYED JUDAICAL CHEST

144 MONTHS A BONDSERVANT

THE HANKERING TOURNAMENT

ABSENCE ACCOMPANIED BY FLATULENCE

LICENCED CHAUFFEUR

TO MURDER A MIMUS POLYGLOTTOS

SQUATTING FELINE CONCEALED REPTILE

THE FORCE OF ATTRACTION BETWEEN ALL MASSES IN THE UNIVERSE


 

(Source: makingstarwars)

Modern Nursery Rhyme - UK Floods

Jack and Jill went up the hill

Coz their house is under water

It’s so insane 

building on flood plains

But the government said, yeah we oughta.

SEXUAL PARTNERS

The sex with your wife

is the best of your life

but her secret you’d curse

(it’s not the best sex of hers)

THE LYING NAME GAME

Bonnie Tyler isn’t good at tiling.

Kerry Katona does not own a cat.

John Waters has a dehydrated garden.

Theresa May never does.

Nick Clegg wouldn’t steal a prosthetic limb.

Neil Gaiman is attracted to women.

William Burroughs never dug tunnels.

Brian Blessed has terrible luck.

Alicia Keys has never wantonly scratched a car.

Shakespeare didn’t wiggle a lance.

Ronald Reagan couldn’t fire lasers.

And Tom Cruise does not go looking to pick up men for sex.

 



Read it out loud for the names to work. And if you’ve got examples of other celeb names, send them to me. The best will get added. 

CHEER UP, IT MIGHT NEVER HAPPEN

I’m feeling I’m falling.

I’m filling with fear.

I’m failing. I’m furtive.

I’m hurting. I’m drear.

I’m negating, self-hating.

My existence is void.

I’m weary, I’m teary.

My esteem’s unemployed.

I’m incompetent

I’m incomplete.

I’m a shit stain

on a toilet seat.

A mess in distress, no less.

Merely a smear.

I’m disjointed

Disappointed

My mind is unclear.

The only point

that I can reach

is my nadir.

There was a pre-op transexual from Limerick

who found Edward Lear’s rhymes made him/her sick

She said ‘I’m not adverse

to fine comedy verse

but it’s a cheat to repeat the word Limerick

I can barely hear you

but if we put on some clothes

I’m ready to listen

Cheeky compliment

Your bottom

cannot be forgotten

or surpassed

you’re supremely assed

It’s a superior

posterior

Such a cutie

of a gluteus maximus

It’s backside plus

How I fantasise

about your panties size

Your buns of fun

run through my mind

Promise you’ll never leave me

behind